This past month I decided to ask my friends to fill out a survey giving me feedback. I wrote up a 5-question survey (using SurveyMonkey) and asked around on Facebook, text, and email for responses. I got 19 replies.
The first 3 questions asked about interestings things my friends had done for 2017. I received some great suggestions about movies, book, and restaurants that I will definitely be checking out in 2018. Almost none of the responses were the same.
The next two questions got into the heart of the matter: What have I been doing well, and where can I improve? I am confident that everyone took this to be anonymous because the answers were very forthright.
In terms of my areas of weakness, there were some clear patterns.
Lack of patience with others and with situations.
Lack of empathy towards the opinions and needs of others.
At first I took these results very harshly. People think I’m too self-oriented and oblivious to their needs. I had so many frustrated thoughts about how I only use the harsh language I do because…
I expect the same or more from myself.
I only want everyone to get better along with me. And complacency and feelings shouldn’t get in the way of that.
However, I hope I realize now that I don’t want my friends to view me as a ruthless critic. It’s not worth the optimization if you hurt people along the way (even if it is with good intention).
My mind is geared to correct, improve, and suppress emotional reaction in order to optimize my life. It is really hard for me to empathize with others, especially when they seemingly (to me) show no concern for my well-being or the well-being of whatever worldly endeavor on which we happen to be sharing a journey.
Can a person be both ruthlessly effective AND empathetic? I don’t know. It’s been shown that 20% of CEO’s are clinically diagnosable psychopaths and probably many more are almost there.
Now, I’m not a psychopath (or a CEO) but I understand the underlying psychic dilemma here: Empathy slows progress.
What I need to assess is: How much progress am I willing to give up for the sake of deeper levels of friendship connection? That’s a really tough question. Obviously, I’m already doing it somewhat. I don’t lash out at every opportunity. But, I clearly have an issue with slowing down and hearing others’ thoughts, feelings, and concerns. I know this is important, and I know, in some cases, it can lead to greater progress (though many times it does not.)
This is a topic I will be thinking about a lot in 2018, as I already had been less formally in 2017.
It’s important to add that not everyone felt this way. In fact, this was a minority of people. But, if 5/19 comments mention this, there is a pattern that needs to be addressed.
In terms of strengths, there were some clear patterns. My friends (and some acquaintances/fellow travelers/etc.) felt that I (am)…
Friendly and take an effort to bring people together.
Oriented towards progress and making things better.
Takes initiative to make things happen.
To a lesser extent: Open to suggestions and sincere.
I am happy and proud that my friends see me as a man who takes initiative, adventures, plans, and brings people together in a friendly, fun, and sincere way. The positives did seem to significantly outweigh the negatives in the survey. My problem is in shared decision-making, not spending time with others in fun/social settings.
Was it worthwhile?
I’m glad I did this survey. While it is harsh to hear criticism, it’s really the only way to improve. I hope to focus in 2018 on ways to develop empathy and patience without sacrificing any commitment to personal growth.
At the same time, I will think about ways to amplify my strengths of focusing on improvement and being a social connector.
This is definitely a dangerous exercise that isn’t for everyone. It was very tough to hear critiques that I couldn’t rebut. However, it was invaluable to get this feedback from people I trust and whose opinions I value.
I’m writing this from my laptop in suburban Pittsburgh. I’m in an empty Panera Bread in a busy strip mall. It’s a brisk day today. I’m on a weekend-long solo road trip across the state.
I’ve been thinking recently about ways to improve my ability to clear my head and come up with new ideas. Brian Grey of the CGP Youtube Channel likes to go on “workcations” where he goes on a trip to a hotel and just focuses on his work. I decided to try something similar this weekend.
I didn’t have anything specific to work on this weekend. But, I’ve gotten great rest and renewal.
On Friday morning, I drove from Baltimore to Pittsburgh. I decided to drive in 90 minute chunks. I chose this segment length because…
It’s about the maximum time I can focus on a single task.
It’s about how much time it takes me to digest a small meal.
Every 90 minutes I would stop at a top Yelp restaurant. I found this strategy make the trip go by MUCH faster and I never felt that I was getting burnt out from driving. I have never enjoyed long drives before, but this is beginning to change my mind.
The other thing that kept the drives interesting was having a podcast list from which to pull. I have about 50 hrs worth of podcast episodes downloaded on a wide range of topics I am personally intensely interested in:
These made the trip very intellectually stimulating and created an ability for me to pick out the next audio without being forced into content.
It also is a great use of my theory of sandwiching anticipation. I’ve found it vastly invigorating and motivating to have things that will excite me coming up next. I’ll often intentionally delay things I’m excited about and sandwich them with boring necessary tasks. This feeling of having something exciting coming next is phenomenal at keeping my spirits up during boring tasks. I recommend you try this if you haven’t before. It’s one of the reasons I like to plan trips at random times of the year. Because it helps add excited anticipation right after otherwise mundane times of year. In this way, I always leave a few really edge-of-my-seat intriguing podcast episodes to help me always look forward to getting in the car to drive.
So I got to my destination very quickly from a psychological perspective because I felt the time spent listening to podcasts was time well spent. It didn’t feel like lost travel time. The feeling of travel time loss I think is a MAJOR motivator for folks to avoid travel. Think about ways you can feel productive while traveling. Maybe hold brainstorming sessions in the car, plan out phone calls, etc.
I found myself coming up with a ton of ideas for blog posts, future books I want to read, and people I’d like to reconnect with just by giving my mind this mental space in the car to churn in a different environment listening to episodes I know will perk up my ears at least a few times per episode.
I stayed totally free (I got 5-8 free nights free by signing up for the Hyatt Rewards card which required a $75 annual fee and $2000 spend in 3 months) in an upgraded King Suite at the Hyatt in Pittsburgh. Having a hotel room was awesome. I felt totally obligationless and distractionless. I decided to use the time doing some research, napping, and catching up on Game of Thrones. I didn’t feel like I was being less productive than anyone around me. I didn’t feel I had anywhere to be. I was in “travel mode” without having any real travel goals, other than trying out a few awesome restaurants in the city. The night in a hotel was extremely relaxing. There was nothing to clean up. No noise. And everything I needed was right there in a small, comfortable 1 bedroom environment. The one thing I was dissappointed with was the lack of a bathtub. I really was looking forward to just soaking in hot water. Oh well. There was a heated pool, but I decided not to grab a used swimsuit from the local goodwill. Could have been fun.
I think what I’m getting at is the importance of creating physical and mental spaces in our lives that allow us to “reset.” The goal isn’t to get anything specific done. Or to visit a person. Or to see sights. The goal is to let your brain work on the things it’s intrigued by in a setting that is wholly free of distractions. Sometimes we are distracted more by our normal spaces than we think.
The other insight here I think is the importance of not allowing the fear of lost travel time to become a roadblock in your exploration of travel and new things. Have a strong list of podcasts downloaded at all times to tap into during road time. I’ve found this actually now has me looking forward to long trips.
Insulin is a major factor in weight loss many people overlook and several myths hurting people on their weight loss attempts, some of which deceptively help in the short-term. There are some simple (but often difficult) habits we can adopt to help change our patterns of obesity.
The following explanation of science-based weight loss comes from the book The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung. He’s respected in the field and backs his arguments with research. I’ve seen similar themes crop up in blogs I follow: Ben Greenfield, Tim Ferriss, Charles Poliquin, Dr. Rhonda Patrick, amongst others. These principles may not be perfect, but they are a superior means of achieving lasting health and weight loss, all other factors (disease, sleep disorders, genetics, job hours, etc,) being tabled for another discussion. I’m not an expert on the topic so I can’t speak authoritatively on this, but Dr. Fung presents a strong argument. I’m presenting this information as Dr. Fung does, not as myself or my own personal opinion. It’s worth hearing his opinion out and researching on your own. Get the book. It’s good.
His hypothesis is that 70% of obesity can be explained by insulin and our resistance to it.
Insulin is a hormone that controls blood sugar. We eat foods. They release glucose (sugar) into our blood. The pancreas releases insulin to message cells to take this blood glucose and use it for energy or fat storage. Once functioning cells of our body have enough energy, insulin brings glucose to be stored in fat cells and as fat in our liver.
As we eat more carbs, refined sugars, and to a slightly lesser extent proteins, our insulin levels go up. Due to the excess sugar and insulin, our cells become resistant to the insulin, because it’s trying to bring in excess glucose. Because the body always wants to stabilize its blood sugar levels , this resistance causes the need for more insulin to be created. As insulin levels increase and cells are rejecting it because they already have enough glucose, more glucose is transferred more quickly to fat cells and the liver, increasing obesity.
A person who is insulin resistant will more easily gain fat than someone who eats the same meal but is not insulin resistant. This is because their non-fat cells are slower to accept insulin signals. Excess glucose it quickly swept into fat cells for storage.
The vicious cycle: even if an insulin resistant person switches their diet, their pancreas is still accustomed to set levels of insulin at a high level because their cells are still resistant to the insulin. An insulin resistant person prioritizes fat storage compared to an insulin sensitive person. The secret is to reduce insulin levels and insulin resistance to allow your body to relearn how much insulin it needs to maintain a healthy metabolism.
Foods and Habits to Help
The foods that promote insulin reduction are fats. Protein does spike insulin a bit. But, carbs are the biggest culprit in insulin levels. The more processed the carb, the worse it is. Quinoa is a prime example of a decent carb, all the way to white table sugar, which causes pure insulin level spikes with almost no feeling of satiation.
Fasting allows our bodies to recover from high-insulin periods and “reset” to lower healthy insulin levels. Going from low to high insulin levels was very common in the history of mankind, but is now lost on us through constant snacking. If we want to train our bodies to not store fat, we need to get them in a state where the pancreas isn’t constantly producing insulin, and healthy non-fat cells aren’t constantly pushing away glucose to fat stores in the liver and elsewhere. This can be greatly aided by giving our bodies frequent breaks from food when possible.
Weight Loss Myths
There are dangerous myths in popular culture about weight loss. They are slowly being dispelled. But they still persist.
Fat is bad for you. (causes weight gain and heart disease)
Cutting calories will help you lose weight long-term.
Artificial Sugars help weight loss.
Exercise is good for longterm weight loss.
Breakfast is a necessary meal (blood sugar, energy for the day, etc. )
Snacking improves weight loss.
Fasting causes muscle loss.
You are fully in control of how much you eat.
Fat is bad for you
Dietary fat is not associated with cardiovascular disease or obesity. Healthy fats like coconut oil, avocado, and fatty fishes like salmon fill you up and provide micronutrients. Even fats like olive oil, nuts, and beef tallow are much less associated with obesity than carbs.
Calories are the metric of food that causes weight gain, but they aren’t the internal metric our bodies use to set our weight, that is insulin. Cutting calories will cut your weight. But, it won’t control your hunger. It won’t control your metabolic expenditure. It won’t control how much energy you have. While cutting calories works short-term, your body will always try to reach the homeostatic state that your insulin and insulin resistance levels and metabolic state indicate. Ultra low-calorie diets will leave us under-nourished.
Ideally you want to fuel your body to maintain your alertness, energy, sleep, and hunger.
Over the long-term (12+months) your body will compensate for a purely low-calorie diet and hormonally (through hunger & a lowered metabolic rate) gear you up for weight gain. While watching calories is helpful, it is only part of an intelligent long-term weight loss plan. We also need to cut out refined sugars and probably eat less often.
Cutting calories works. The calories in/calories out theory is not wrong. But it doesn’t show us the whole picture of our bodies response to decreased energy intake. Dr. Fung points out this is why almost all diets work for 12 months, then fail. They cut calories , but fail to train our brain and pancreas, to set our metabolism and cells up for a new sustainable normal body fat level.
Artificial sugars like Splenda and aspartame are just as linked to obesity as real sugar. They trick your body into thinking it’s getting sugar, and thus promote the same hormonal pathways that cause weight gain from sugar. While they do help cut calories, they don’t provide satiation. They spike insulin just like sugar. Thus, they promote the conversion of preexisting blood glucose into fat.
They make us hungrier and more prone to fat gain through insulin spikes.
Unless you’re running 3+hrs a day, you cannot out-exercise food from a calorie perspective. Exercise is great for cardiovascular health, but it’s not linked to weight loss. Some exercise (weights and low-intensity cardio) does decrease insulin. But, this is not enough to rely on it for fat loss.
Exercise is good. But we can’t rely on it to beat a bad diet.
Breakfast is not magical. Blood sugar can be stable for days without food (unless you’re diabetic where insulin is pulling your blood sugar into your cells too rapidly or inappropriately, causing low blood sugar (faintness, dizziness, shakiness, slight nausea, etc.). We don’t need breakfast for energy or health. If we’re not hungry, don’t eat it. Breakfast only forces us into insulin/glucose processing mode for a larger percentage of the day.
The more times we eat, the fatter we get. Snacking is not associated with weight loss. Snacks are notoriously unhealthy and loaded with empty refined carbs. detailed source. It seems like the exception may be if you’re doing bodybuilding and need to get tons of calories into your body. But for the median person, limiting food intake to two or three meals will be helpful in reducing calories and giving our bodies time to sit at lower insulin levels.
Fasting allows the body time to process food. Hormonally it gives us time with low insulin to process fats and sugars. The contemporary 3-meal system is not what the human body was built for. For the majority of human history, humans ate when they could find food, which gave us a lot of time when we weren’t eating regularly set meals.
If you’re constantly eating, your body will naturally think it needs to be constantly producing insulin and storing fats, especially when those calories are coming from refined sugars like bread, pasta, chips, bagels, candy, etc.
You are fully in control
Your body is built for homeostasis. It controls when you feel hungry and full through hormones. If you eat refined carbs and sugar, you will be tricking your body into thinking it’s not getting enough food, so it will keep allowing you to be hungry. This is why we never feel full on cake or ice cream.
On short bursts of time, we are able to cut calories. But our bodies adapt to burn less and hunger more. This is why, after 12 months, all diets stop working. They are crafty ways to cut calories. But, they don’t address the long-term hormonal nature of obesity.
If we’re going to keep weight off, we need to adopt more intelligent and sustainable eating habits that promote lean mass gain while burning fat. This is primarily done through eating a diet high in fiber, fat, with a balance of whole natural carbohydrates (brown rice, quinoa, sweet potatoes) and proteins. This is becoming increasingly difficult when even our “healthy” vegetables like corn, potatoes, and lettuce are being bred to maximize sugars and size at the expense of fiber and nutrition.
Eat only when you’re hungry. Try to occasionally take 24+hrs between eating.
Substitute meal times when you’re not hungry (if they exist) with coffee, tea, bone broth.
Eliminate sugar and refined carbs (bread, pasta, cakes) as foods in your diets. Treat them as special celebration items. If you do eat pasta, rice, potatoes, eat them with fibrous vegetables to reduce the insulin load. If you’re exercising more than 45mins/day, it becomes OK to up your clean carb intake.
Add more fat to your meals to fill you up (butter, coconut oil, olive oil). Fat does not affect insulin levels.
Drink at least 2 L of water per day.
If you do have a big splurge meal :), take 2 tsp of vinegar with it to reduces it’s insulin load.
Try to eat grass-fed and wild caught animal products. Conventional farming relies on corn feeds that jam animals plump full of sugars.
Be aware of your caloric intake, but don’t obsess over it. If you’re following a clean diet, it will be hard to eat too much. Most overeating comes from lack of fiber and refined sugar intake.
For more info do check out The Obesity Code by Jason Fung. This isn’t a wild and contentious theory. Reducing carbs and eating more fiber has been the classic advice of grandmothers for generations. Dr. Fung explores the social impacts of food subsidies, mass-produced carbs, and changing eating patterns in the 1950’s and how they made us fatter than any generation in history.
I just finished up the book: Ideas in Food. The book is sums up the findings in the home kitchen of experimental chefs Aki Kamozawa and Alex Talbot. The couple run the Ideas in Food blog which is about testing new ideas in the kitchen. There were several ideas in the book I had never heard before. I thought I’d share some of the recipes and techniques I found interesting. The book is worth reading in it’s entirety for those interested in further developing their cooking skills. I’d only recommend it as a follow up to more basic cooking books: Ruhlman’s Twenty, The Joy of Cooking, How to Cook Everything, The Food Lab, the Serious Eats blog, The Flavor Bible, and How to Cook Everything: The Basics. I first recommend new cook stry at least 10% of the recipes in one of those books before moving on Ideas in Food. This books assumes familiarity with basic culinary concepts.
Here are my biggest takeaways from the book. I hope one of them catches your eye and sparks an idea.
In order to respect the authors and their book, I only include the recipes available online.
Egg Soufflé I learned that whipping egg whites by themselves with a pinch of salt is what gives body to many baked dishes. I’ve had trouble replicating this recipe because it turns out whipping egg whites is a very finicky proposition.
To keep green veggies more crisp and colorful, brine them in a 3% salt by weight for 10 mins, seal them in a bag, and boil them for 4 minutes. This doesn’t work with root veggies like potatoes and carrots.
Short Ribs are best cooked in a bag at 149F for 24 hours. Pork and Lamb at 152F.
Xanthan Gum can be used to thicken liquid sauces at .2% weight of liquid.
Salt tastes best at 0.5% weight of the whole food product you are cooking.
Scallops do very well at 30mins in a bag under water that is 122F.
Pasta can be soaked for an hour to pre-hydrate and stored in the fridge. This will allow it to cook much faster to order.
Potatoes do well double cooking: once to gelatinize the starches from 136-150F and then to break down the pectin at 185F.
Risotto can be quickly cooked without constant stirring. Cook at 149F sous vide in cheese cloth for 30mins. This cooks out the sloppy starches. Then it can be cooked for 7 mins on the stovetop with 2.5x its weight in stock.
Scrambled eggs can be made sous vide. Just take 3 eggs and a tbsp of butter and place into bag. Cook at 163 for 30mins. I tried this one and the eggs came out perfectly done: still super moist but also not runny.
Over the past few days I’ve been moping about. The days are getting shorter. I experienced unrequited interest from a girl. I had a nasty stomach bug (sous vide honey ginger tea and saltine crackers are a godsend.) It was a below average quality week as my weeks go.
No Reason for Sadness
I have no legitimate reason to be upset for very long. I live in a comfortable home. I have an excellent job I enjoy with coworkers I enjoy even more. I have more good family and friends than anyone can reasonably hope for. I get to see and talk to them often. Yet I still sometimes, especially during times of relative (psychology is about relative pain and pleasure) low points, feel lonely and undriven, even though I know this is absurd and that my absolute position is one that is incredibly privileged. Perhaps you do sometimes, too. During these times, I try to be particularly aware of the mechanisms by which my malaise is manifesting itself so that I can mitigate the symptoms. This past week has been one of those times.
I had a relevant insight last night when I went to check my phone for the thirtieth time of the evening. Something I’ve been doing with it is exacerbating my malaise. It’s pervasive, it’s dangerously close to me, at all times, and it’s addictive. It stalks me on several different fronts and I can’t reasonably get away from it: digital communications. I go check on them far too often. And then I get a little disappointed every time there is nothing to see, especially when there’s nothing from my friends.
GMail, Facebook, Reddit, Slack, SMS, Instagram, and even Yelp. I love these things. They keep me updated. They keep me in contact with friends, family, and strangers with similar interests. They help me build lists and hire virtual assistants. But they also become an outlet to churn the feedback loop of loneliness.
I feel a bit down or lonely. But my surroundings all point towards comfort and reasonable happiness. So I keep looking around for distractions from the feeling. This easily leads to over-checking my phone for contact from my friends and being just a little sad that no one took the time to notice me or think of me. I’m not talking about anything drastic. I don’t get upset or angry. But just a marginal amount in less of a good mood. Over time, checking the phone over and over again this can add up if I’m already in a below average state.
I have things I want to do on my own: Watch good movies, read insightful books, spend time building hit-lists for my next project or blog. I’m good about keeping physically active. But more passive activities become very easily distracted by the GMail, Facebook, Reddit, Slack, SMS, Instagram, and even Yelp funnel. They are fast, easy, and addictive distractions.
A picture at a venue somewhere in Las Vegas.
Notifications and websites are always there, a lingering potential that someone, at any time might have texted, emailed, messaged, upvoted, approved, liked, or recommended. When I’m alone, I want that contact. Small pleasures come from being acknowledged by a friend. I want to see what people thought of my blog article. Or how they are reacting to an event my roommates posted on Facebook. I want to see if my favorite flight deal blog has posted any new deals or if credit card companies have announced new signup bonuses to exploit. But when there’s nothing left to check, there is a feeling of lack, especially when I’m hoping just marginally to hear from my friends.
The value of this social and information connection is great. But it has a proper place. I need to be able to see who I am on my own, and love doing the things I value on my own. I don’t want to go to an app or a website to get a quick social fix. I don’t want to be distracted by an app or a website with the hope that someone valued something I posted or said. I want to see those things. But, I want to see them on my own time, not in a constant flow. That certainly is not what’s currently going on in my life at the moment. How would I like to improve in this area?
Focusing on a Mission
I want to have a distraction-resistant mission for my free time. I know the books I want to read, the exercise I want to do, the flexible social time, the movies, shows, the silent reflection time, naps, cleaning, whatever it may be. I want to value my time and mission enough to not turn to GMail, Facebook, Reddit, Slack, CatholicMatch, SMS, Instagram, and even Yelp for an outlet, except on my own terms. I want to be able to focus better on the tasks at hand. When I run out of things to do, I want to have a calm and reflective plan to build out a new plan. Perhaps I lack a detailed, practical, and actionable enough personal mission. By mission here I mean to speak of the tasks, people, enterprises, values, and goals for which I want my time to serve.
Having a phone by my side or a computer in my room at all times isn’t bad per se. But it becomes a problem when those devices become small ATM’s of validation and distraction flickering their seductive subtle lights 24/7.
One thing I’ve tried is placing my phone 20 secs walking away in my living room when I get home. This has helped a bit. However, things get more complex with my laptop. It holds all my work, my entertainment, research, emails, etc. I’m not sure I can reasonably set it outside of my free-time work space without sacrificing the value of internet connectivity.
I want to write separately about becoming oneself through understanding one’s personality and temperament and preferences and personal mission enough to become distraction-resistant. This concept is topically distinct enough to deserve a separate post, however.
The Danger of Digital
Digital devices can become an outlet that exacerbate problems in our lives. We use them to confirm false assumptions about the world. In my case, I was having (obviously false) thoughts my loneliness/sadness was justified slightly by the fact that my phone was blowing up with notifications on a Friday night. Of course this is absurd. But without the human physical connection, GMail, Facebook, Reddit, Slack, CatholicMatch, SMS, Instagram, and even Yelp become a way to simulate and churn the feedback-loop of loneliness self-talk.
Think about your phone and computer. How often do you go check them? Do you ever feel left out if you don’t get a notification or information? Is this a reasonable reaction? How much time have you lost on these distractions when they were unnecessary? How close do you hold your phone and computer to your important work, literally and figuratively? Are you a distractible person? What steps have you taken to become distraction-proof?
Simple ideas for travel, productivity, and food
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